A Scar Heals this wound

by Jalen Hoskie

A Scar Heals This WoundIt is said h your heart, your world ripped away from you with no
​It is said that time heals all wounds, but losing a brother is much more than an ordinary wound. It’s having part of your heart, your world, ripped away from you with no explanation or understanding of why. A wound that lies directly on your heart, cracking and being irritated with every inhale and exhale.  Not to mention I have always been one to pick at my scabs, prolonging the healing of any wound. And this one for sure is continuously being picked at remembering every moment that we shared together and thinking about every memory that was stripped from us.  So how does this wound heal if I won’t let it, if I keep picking at it?​

I realize a wound like this is never meant to heal fully or properly, a wound like this will always leave a mark, a scar. Not the kind of scar you continuously rub cocoa butter on and in a few weeks it fades, i’m talking open heart surgery scar right down the center of your torso scar. That is the kind of scar, the kind mark this is leaving on my life. 

But this scar is far from formed, getting picked at every second of every day. Ordering Caramel frappuccinos instead of my daily coffee. Hearing songs like “ back that thing up” And somehow uncontrollably breaking down thinking of you. Thinking of every fadeaway you ever hit off of one of my assist. Talks around the dinner table where me and you fed off of each other like two comedic geniuses. And then of course the countless memories throughout college. This list can go as long as I let it. Then I think about all of the memories that were stripped from us, and all of the memories I now have to create without you. We were supposed to tear up that JCC 30 and older league. The thought that I will never pass you the basketball again sends a cold drift through my body that temporarily paralyzes me. The thought that we will never sit around the dinner table with our children and share stories about when we were their age sends a fiery rage through my body that causes vibrations only video game controllers can relate to. So how does this scar form if it remains so fresh, so irritated, so picked at? 


​I believe this scar will form by our family and friends continuously coming together and continuously speaking your name, and all memories shared with you. Keeping your memory alive and well, continuing your legacy. Ensuring you are remembered for the positivity, the love, the dominance, the joy, the empathy, the strength, the relentlessness, the power, the wisdom, the swag, need I go on? Rather than the sadness and heartbreak that consumes us now and will realistically be with us forever forever. Learning to live with the pain through the strength of you and the collected strength of others who are enduring this pain, only then when all of this comes together like the white blood cells in the body can the scab heal and let the scar form. 

So this big nasty scar that’ll be left behind from this “wound,” what will it represent? What will be this scar's story? It will represent the memory of you. The scar is permanent, a part of me, as are you Jordan. It will be a constant reminder that you are here for me, and with me every day. It will be a reminder to appreciate the little victories. For every day that the Lord grants me, to dominate it relentlessly with maximum effort. A reminder to be kind, loving, and honest. A reminder to live in a way that will make you proud. A reminder to be my best self at all times, and encouraging and inspiring others around me to do the same. Help live out your dream and carry on your legacy to the best of my abilities. Wounds like this are never meant to truly heal, they are forever a part of you, a mark, a scar,  to stand for whatever you let it. There is a story behind every scar. The story behind my scar, they are going to say a genius wrote it... or understanding of why. A wound that lies directly on your heart, cracking and being irritated with every inhale of o are enduring this pain, only then when all of this comes together like the white blood cells in the body can the scab heal and let the scar form. So this big nasty scar that’ll be left behind from this “wound,” what will it represent? What will be this scars story? It will represent the memory of you. The scar is permanent, a part of me, as are you Jordan. It will be a constant reminder that you are here for me, and with me every day. It will be a reminder to appreciate the little victories. For every day that the Lord grants me, dominate it relentlessly with maximum effort. A reminder to be kind, loving, and honest. A reminder to live in a way that will make you proud. A reminder to be my best self at all times, and encouraging and inspiring others around me to do the same. Help live out your dream and carry on your legacy to the best of my abilities. No amount of indefinite continued progress of existence can heal this wound. Wounds like this are never meant to truly heal, they are forever a part of you, a Mark, a scar,  to stand for whatever you let it. There is a story behind every scar.The story behind my scar, they are going to say a genius wrote it...

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